How To Get Started Exploring Your Sexual Pleasure by Katrina Marie
Here at the Lake, we love pleasure of all kinds. Today, I want to talk about sexual pleasure.
Dip your toe into this world, and you might be overwhelmed by your options. What are you even looking for? Power? Length? Girth?
Well, you have come to the right place. I am the Lake's resident pleasure and sexual wellness educator, and I have taught thousands of folks how to explore what works for them. Welcome! You are in good hands.
Many products out there in sex toy land claim to "give you an orgasm in x amount of time." While some products may come with motors strong enough to get your body to comply in specific time frames, that's not really what we are about here.
Here at The Lake, we believe the pleasure is in the process of exploring your body and figuring out what it wants– slowing down, getting present, and listening. Unfortunately for us, it's not as flashy of a marketing pitch. It *is* the foundation of a lifelong, dynamic, nurturing sexual relationship with yourself– an essential part of full-body wellness, which will win over a 5-minute orgasm, any day of the week.
Our offering of Body Exploration Devices (B.E.D.s for short) is designed to pique your curiosity and allure all of your senses. After all, those are the real ingredients to pleasure.
Pleasure is less about using force or strength of stimulation to elicit a response and more about slowing down enough to listen to the wisdom of your body.
Sure, a super-powered sex toy with multiple motors might be able to give your body response, but that process, similar to the lover with that "one move," will soon get boring.
So what is the ticket to endless enjoyable exploration?
There are a few things you need to know that will make the journey a good one:
1) A basic roadmap
You need to know what you are dealing with. Most sex-ed courses do not include any information about how feeling good happens. So let's break down the anatomy of arousal.
Vulvas have erections, too. We have just as much erectile tissue as penises; it's just arranged differently. Most of us don't realize we have them (erections) because they are inside of us (under the skin). Because our society is so sexually repressed, most of this information isn't available in medical textbooks, let alone in high school health classes.
Watch this 3-minute video by one of my teacher's Dr. Betty Dodson, for the full breakdown:
As you can see, there are lots of exciting places for you to explore.
If you are new to B.E.D.s, think of your exploration tools as being in two categories: internal and external, with some of them able to do both.
One of the most popular sex toy styles is the rabbit. The rabbit has two parts: (1) a dildo that goes inside the vagina and (2) a second arm that hooks around the outside of the body to stimulate the glans of the clitoris.
You won't see any of these available in our collection of B.E.D.s for a few reasons. They lock you into place, which means you aren't able to switch up how you use them = no exploration. They don't fit all bodies.
Do you know how it is harder to find a one-piece jumpsuit as opposed to a two-piece sweatsuit? B.E.D.s are like that. You want to have individual pieces that can move easily and don't rely too heavily on fit.
2) Once you've got the road map the first thing you want to invest in is lube!
Erectile tissue feels good because the blood inside the tissue has fluffed it up to create surface tension, which allows you to feel more in the same area than if you weren't aroused.
Use your hands to get to know your body and what helps it get your erectile tissue fluffed up. You want to use lube like this one. And don't just go straight for the gold. Treat yourself like a lover. Massage your inner thighs, your butt, your stomach, whatever feels good for you, before you move to your vulva.
Once things are flowing, use more lube to avoid the surface tension you create from getting irritated. It's all about the glide, my friends. And don't worry if your body isn't producing a ton of its own lubrication. We all make different amounts, depending on our cycles and season of life, and research shows that the amount we make is not necessarily correlated with how turned on we are either.
Some of my favourite B.E.D.s for external exploration
Start small: Dame Bullet
Simple, waterproof, rumbly (as opposed to a higher-pitched vibration, which can feel irritating on the skin)
Go all out: Iroha Tori
Super soft silicone, squishy, with a finger-like extension for when you've found a spot you want to give more precise stimulation to. A bonus of this B.E.D. is that it fits super well between two bodies, making it the perfect device to introduce into partner exploration.
Some of my favourite B.E.D.s for internal exploration
Start small: Iroha +
This device is perfect for external explorers that are curious about what's inside. Most people are too aggressive when they start internal exploration; this device's small round head fits perfectly just inside the entrance of the vagina. Spin it around slowly and notice how the slight ridge on the head feels against your body. With enough length for more in-depth exploration available, this B.E.D. is the perfect bridge between worlds.
Go all out: Iroha Mikazuki or Minamo
I love both of these for their soft feeling and curve. The Mikazuki is slightly more slender and smoother in shape, where the Minamo has ridges and a wider body. If you are newer to internal exploration, I would start with the Mikazuki.
Once you get the hang of both external and internal explorations, you can combine the two. I know. Exciting, but maybe overwhelming. Just like piano lessons, master each hand first, before you bring them together.
3) The last thing you need to make your sexual explorations enjoyable is patienceWhile vulvas have just as much erectile tissue as penises, it takes longer to fill up (and get erect).
When I first started internal exploration, I could hardly feel anything. If this is you, don't worry, it takes time to connect your brain to this often neglected part of the body. In my experience, slowing down enough to feel with gentleness is a better approach than turning your device on full power, demanding your body to give you some sensation. Please approach with utmost tenderness for the best results.
Start with a massage using your hands, and when you move to a B.E.D., I highly recommend exploring your body with it powered off first. Find what feels good with its shape and texture before you add the vibrations.
I hope that helps! Enjoy the ride!